This will be kind of a hard topic for me to talk about. I think that weight loss is really… REALLY hard for a lot of people to talk about. Sometimes it has to be done to make you realize that you aren’t living as healthy as you should be.
I am… 195 lbs. Yes that is right. The last time I weighed myself, the scale said I was 5 lbs away from being 200 lbs! Now if you looked at me, you would not think 200 lbs. Yes I am on the heavier side. Obviously in my mid section, in the arms, and the butt area. It’s the typical weight gain for a women, but I am built with muscle. My legs are extremely muscular from cheerleading in high school and yes I know that muscle weighs so much more than fat. However, there is jiggle where there shouldn’t be.
I want to say that I blame Ronald for the weight gain, but it’s not his fault but my own. In our town, when both of us aren’t really active to begin with, the only thing we would do on a daily basis is go out to eat. Lunch and dinner. Whenever we would see each other. Gaining the weight was so easy and I had made excuses that me having to buy new jeans in a bigger size was because the brand that I wore made their sizes smaller. Nice excuse, right? It was just that… making excuses. And my husband is so skinny, it makes me sick.
So when we got officially engaged, I told myself, now is the time to be healthier and to lose the weight. I started out good. Going constantly to the gym and eating less. My clothes actually were loose on my figure. Well when it came closer to the wedding, the stress was on. I started eating out again and not going to the gym as often. A month before my wedding, I had completely stopped going to the gym and ate whatever I wanted. So when it was the day of my wedding, I was so disgusted with myself for not keeping with it that I was actually really miserable. I don’t like having my picture taken and knowing that that day I was going to be in all the photos made me all the more mad at myself for not continuing my diet and exercising, especially since I had been doing so well.
Fast forward to now, three months later, and it’s a new year. After talking with my best friend over Christmas break and knowing that she went through the same thing losing weight, it made me realize that if she can do it so can I. No more being sad for myself and hating myself for just being human… or rather living the “American” lifestyle of fast food. It’s my life and only I can change myself.
After the holidays everyone ends up making the resolution of lose weight, this is no resolution. This is a promise to myself to be a better me. Of course this means having to go back to the gym. Which I started to, then got sick. But when I’m better… I want to go to the gym at least four times a week. I don’t want to exhaust myself, I get tired from long days at work, so whenever I can get it into my week, I’ll do it. Four days is nothing, at least that is what I keep telling myself.
I went with a friend to GNC to see about dietary supplements. I ended up getting GNC’s Women’s Ultra Mega Active Vitapak program. The girl that works there really sold it; what got me is that it’s not just caffeine pills, to shoot your heart rate up, like a lot of the dietary supplements that are out there.
Each pack comes seven pills: two Women’s Ultra Mega Active without Iron, two Energy Enhancers, one Calcium 600, one Conjugated Linoleic Acid, and one L-Carnitine pill. All taste like chalk, with the exception of the Conjugated Linoleic Acid pill because its in a gel coating. Learned real fast to take the pills first and then eat.
GNC Women’s Ultra Mega Active Vitapak Program conveniently combines nutrients that support a woman’s overall nutritional needs with focused ingredients to promote optimal health, joint cushioning and athletic performance.
I take one ultra mega, one energy enhancer and the calcium for breakfast. Then I take the rest with my lunch. I find that it keeps my energy up better that way and the cravings aren’t as bad. Now whether or not these things will work for me we will see. Only time will tell.
In addition to the dietary supplements, I have started counting my calories. Eating healthy can be expensive, so knowing what exactly is going into my body not only makes me more aware, it helps me in choosing something that is better for me. Because knowing myself, I choose what tastes delicious vs choosing something that is healthy and good for my body. Instead of writing it down, I have a handy dandy phone app that has all the restaurants, any kind of food, and even a bar code scanner. So it makes it easy to input what you eat and how much at the simple touch of a button. The hardest part about counting calories is obviously staying within your RDI [Recommended Daily Intake]. Not only that, if you do end up going out to lunch or dinner, you have to plan ahead. Example, I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with Ronald’s family, on the way there I had to plan out what I was going to get. I went on my handy dandy application on my phone and had to look at all the calories in the food that they serve. I had to add up the main food of my meal and then the sides together to get my actual calorie count for my dinner. Harder than you would think. I ended up getting a plain grilled chicken sandwich with coleslaw. The hardest thing ever was to sit there with my water and watch everyone else chow down on nachos that they ordered for an appetizer and all the good smelling hot wings and fries. But like this whole post has been stating… I’m trying to be a better me so I controlled myself. That’s the thing about counting calories, you are in control the whole time.
Also I have increased my water intake. I hate water. I hate that it has no taste. When I was little I use to put sugar in my water… yeah Men in Black bug style, until I got caught. Then any chance I could, instead of drinking water I would drink Gatorade. My best friend had made sense to me when she said that she stopped drinking her calories. At first, I didn’t really understand what she meant until she gave me the example of how her friends always ordered some fancy high calorie drink at Starbucks, well if you continuously buy that drink everyday, you are just adding more to your RDI [Recommended Daily Intake]. If your RDI is 2000 calories and that drink you just drank was 810 calories, you just drank almost half of your calories that could have been food, something solid, that could give you energy and keep you from feeling hungry.
I don’t know what has taken me so long to finally feel like I need a change. It could have been that my best friend looks absolutely amazing and I’m completely jealous of her [it’s true Elizabeth, you are the most beautiful person in the world and I’m so glad that you finally reflect the person who you were always on the inside]. It could have been that even my “big” jeans were starting to feel tight. Or that all my clothes last year were a size smaller because I had lost weight then and I don’t want to have to replace my wardrobe again. But I need to remember that it is about me and feeling better about myself. It isn’t to look good for others, even though I want to look amazing for my husband, but that the satisfaction of looking and feeling great should be for me and me alone.
I’m going to have to remind myself that this will be a long process and that I can not expect instant results. Which sucks because I’m not a patient person to begin with. The GNC girl said that the best results with the pills were long term use, 3-4 months to see real results. Once I start back at the gym that could even help more. It’s going to take everything in me to not give up and to make sure that I push myself to continue on this quest for the better me. Whether it take a few months to a year, I want to make this a good lifestyle for myself because better living is just that… a lifestyle.